It is so hard to believe, so hard to feel really.
She had battled cancer already, 6yrs prior, only to beat it, with the determination she always had; even if it was to just reach the summit of one more mountain top. It’s what got her going.
At that time, I was just married, pregnant with my first. I was blessed to be there when she was diagnosed and was able to extend my visit for another 2 weeks, to at least see she was going to pull through.
There were so many miracles then and you knew God had a hand in it all, of course.
We were all tested to see which of us siblings matched her bone marrow in case she would need a transplant.
I must say I felt honored to discover that I was her only match out of my parents and 7 siblings.
It made me excited in a way to think that I would be able to do something for her, in a way go through part of the ordeal with her; like I said “in a way”!
It took awhile, but she got better and passed the 5 yr mark, married a great guy that had the same adventurous heart she had and brought 2 beautiful twin girls into the world.
Then, last June (2011) I received a call from Mom; Theresa’s cancer was back, of course stronger and worse. Deep in my heart I felt “this is it” but I (naturally) kept hoping, praying, believing in a miracle.
She started chemo the next day. She was told she would for sure need the bone marrow transplant this time.
Of course she called me that day and when I talked to her, for some reason I kept wanting to say….I am in it with you Theresa….but how could I? Look at my life. I had nothing to complain about, I could do nothing for her. I felt excited to be of use in the bone marrow process, but that would be no pain to me.
This was her cross and she had to carry it. I did feel helpless and so sad.
Why her…after these 2 precious girls, not even 2yrs old and her husband…surely God wanted her here, needed her here to help them get to heaven.
Well, I guess God is bigger than that and He had/has a different plan.
July we went to Montana and I am so grateful, we stayed for a month. My valiant husband dropped me and 3 mo. old Louis off at the airport and he drove the next 3 days with the other 3 kids to meet me in MT.
Theresa was in and out of the hospital, but whenever she could she would be out at Moms and Dads to be with, of course, her girls and spend time with us. As usual she delighted in my kids and would wear her cheer.
It wasn’t till February that I returned, thanks to Allison’s encouragement, and Pat and my mother and father-in-law for helping out at home so I could spend a week in MT. It could not have been better.
It is hard right now to say much more. I wish I could have all those times back but I don’t, so I am thankful for all the memories and the dear soul that she was.
She was always so bubbly and joyful. Her and I did everything together for the first 20+ yrs of our lives, being only 21 mo apart.
Now, every time I sit down to play the piano, my tears flow. All the emotions seems to flood in. I have hardly played all summer but I realized again the other night how… kind of… good it felt. I just sat there and cried and played and remembered and loved.
She will always hold such a special place in my heart.
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